As a
groom I am at a disadvantage during lobola negotions - I am not allowed to be
there. I then pin all my hopes to my delegation. The idea to send delegates to
Soweto was long in planning, but things hit a snag when one of the chief
negotiators took seriously ill earlier this year. A replacement was not easy to
find, but eventually a family friend accepted our request.
The
protocol is like this: I tell my mother that I intend to pay lobola and
therefore suggest that she, on my behalf request this old man to be a chief
negotiator. Luckily upon hearing that I
am planning to start lobola negotiations, my cousin, who lives in Midrand,
readily availed himself to be part of the delegation. The delegation was
effectively a duet of this old man ( a family friend) and my cousin.
When
you tell your parents about your intentions to start lobola negotions, you must
have somehow introduced them to the future bride. Luckily this happened during the wedding of
my Midrand cousin. This was also time for them to see our now three year old
son.
Shortly after our son, Lutho, was born and as would be expected kwaziswa ityala. At the time it was said that no penalty (intlawulo) will be required, but this will be discussed later, possibly during lobola negotiations. This was of course presumptuous. But then, as fate would have it, I came back for lobola. Indeed during the negotiations, the matter of intlawulo was top of the agenda. I had also informed my delegation to expect that the issue will be raised. The strategy was that my delegation will not raise the issue on their own, but would expect the hosts to lead it.
You are expected to indicate how many cows you are willing to pay. This is important to prepare your delegation. You also check with the bride-to-be as to what is likely to be their expectations. My offer was R50 000. In fact this offer was saying, I will not exceed R50 000. Of course their offer was more. But the principle was that, once I present almost two thirds of the amount, they will be amenable to handing over their daughter to the Gwatas. This was an understandable position that my delegation was willing to accept. Negotiations happened in an atmosphere devoid of any rancor. When we return for the second visit, my Midrand cousin will now be the delegate. On the day of my acceptance (ukwamkelwa komyeni), a sheep will be slaughtered at the bride's place. Apparently I will be expected to slaughter it!
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